Spring Fever Obsessions Bursting Forth

Photo by Asa Rodger on Unsplash
West Highland Way, Glasgow, United Kingdom

I’m not sure what it is about this time of year, but I always get so stir crazy, word crazy, that I’m like one explosion away from stardust. A supernova of sorts. I pull out Poemcrazy and Foolsgold, stumbling through words and lust, emotions, passion. I crave base things. I crave human touch. I crave words filling me up and spilling out of my mouth, a fountain of ink. It’s definitely a Spring Fever right now.

Raw attraction is filling me up right now, and like anything that’s a semi drug, there’s this addiction factor that makes thinking a little hard to focus on reality. Words start meaning too many things, or not enough. Being surrounded by by someone’s presence in my mind and part of the week is overwhelming at times. Obsession might be a close word to describe the feeling. Or maybe it’s, ‘I just can’t get enough’, not being sure if I want more. It’s this weird flip back and forth world.  Impatience that I can’t be around Sampson more, who I’m renaming Lucifer, because he is most definitely a devil at times. The Angel and Lucifer. Me being the angel. He even asked me the other day if I was hiding behind a facade of ‘good girl’. What can I say, I am what I am. I am this nice girl. I am the non risk taker, the sweetheart, the ‘square’ at times, even with a slightly deviant side. There is a part of me that feels like people are waiting for me to mess up. Trust me, I don’t have plans to, and this ain’t no facade.

When I say I get like this every spring, I do get antsy. I mean, like really antsy. Just having a person you are interested thrown into the mix almost makes me want to run off to the wilds and rip off my clothes and skin and bare it all to the sun, mountains, wind, stars.

I was in a different place last week and in a spat of a few hours, I had started or written 6 poems. I have the March winds and spring blowing into me and my head. The fickle weather, Gaia at work, the sweet fecundity of leaves bursting forth, rivers filling and life all over. (bonus points if you know the meaning of fecundity, which sounds like a bad word, but isn’t.)

I’ll be like this for the rest of the month, into April and May, which always tweaks me out being that it’s my birth month and I always get a little wonky around my birthday. Another year older and all that rot. It’s rather lovely everyone at work doesn’t take issue with my age and thinks I’m younger than I am. I’m flattered finally. It took years to not be bothered by people thinking I was in my early twenties.

I’ve pulled out Poemcrazy, as usual, and I’m hunting down Foolsgold, wherever I may have shelved it, but it’s around. I’ll find myself reading these for days now, filling up my head with words and thoughts. I’ll probably find myself writing love poems. I do that sometimes, but again, when there’ someone you want to write love poems to, it’s even better. Whether or not I’ll send them, now that’s the real question.

Does anyone else get a little spring crazy, Spring Fever, this time of year? Share what makes you go a little bonkers.

Kate

 

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Kisses and Cigarettes

staticdesign-mart-scholliers-unsplashI dream about really good kisses as much as I dream about having a cigarette. I crave really good kisses as much as I crave that first drag on a cigarette. Funny thing; I’ve never smoked. Unless you call that one puff my father let me try  of one of his really good cigars. Trust me, it wasn’t that good. In fact, after swirling the smoke around my mouth, I wondered why anyone would want to do this.  And I didn’t even inhale.

But ever since then, I want a cigarette so bad. Not all the time, but after that dream where I can’t find my pack of them and I need a smoke, I’ll wake up wishing I could light one up. An insatiable desire for the forbidden.

After that dream with an incredible kiss, I swear I wake up , lips tingling, heart racing, wishing it had really happened and I’ll be getting another one soon. An insatiable desire for pure, unadulterated pleasure.

Neither have happened. I wake up, go about my day wishing for one or the other……… or both if the dream was so nice as to grant me with two cravings. Oddly, both cravings involve the lips. Weird, huh?

I’ve had one good kiss in my life. One so good I refer to it here and there. I dream about it, write about it, think about it. It’s kind of like that one taste of tobacco smoke. That kiss kine of opened my eyes to what a good kiss is like. Especially after two boyfriends and countless bad kisses from them. At the time, I didn’t know they were bad kisses. Now that I’ve had good bourbon, why would I go back to cheap crap?

How could two very simple things take control of my life? Currently I’m thinking about both cravings days after two very vivid dreams. Personally I think the only way to cure either is to go have a smoke then have a really good kiss. But then, would it cure the disease or make me need a fix that much more?

Signing off

Kate

WordPress Just Fueled My Already Obsessed Obsession With My Email

I love email. If I had to pick one thing I’m obsessed about, besides books, pens, writing, reading, photography and various other things, email would be one of those things. Clearly I can’t pick one thing, but that is beside the point. Happy, happy emails in my inbox. Oh that new mail at the top highlighted and waiting to be read. The blink of a familiar address popping up in my inbox. All those lovely emails to read. Why, someone wanted to contact me, and there is their note waiting for me to click it open.emailing1.jpg

I am habitually checking my email, hoping for a note from someone, even if I don’t expect anything from them. Or checking for a note from someone though I’ve yet to reply to one of theirs. It is usually the first thing I think about in the morning, and since my laptop is right by my bed, I can indulge in that obsession. Or habit. I’m not sure which one it is. And usually checking my email is the last thing I do before clicking off my light, or many times, the light is already off, like right now, and I’m checking my email.

Can I live without email? Yes. Do I want to? No.

No, while it would probably be healthier if I didn’t obsess over it, nor rely on it for various things from moments of mood boosts when a ‘Like’ comes in from WordPress, to blogs I want to read but do not have the time to even glance at, I still really enjoy it. I actually don’t use it that much for correspondence, unless you count the few people in my life who I don’t actually write letters to, meaning on paper. There are a couple people in my life I do not actually send a stamped letter to, though I would like to. Email is more of a collection of blogs that I am subscribed to, though this is more recent in the past two years, and various other updates.

I attempt, in my life to keep writing to paper and pen, which for the most part, I succeed at. Email is actually, when one comes down to it, a necessary evil. We would all get along fine without it, but for anything online, you need it. You can’t subscribe to anything online without an email, whereas on paper, email is still usually optional.

Sometimes I miss the paper and real life optional aspect.

All that being said, this feature of WordPress where you can send your post in via email is great. While I like the format of writing on WordPress, there are times when I just don’t want to have to pull up a new window. Why right now I’m typing via my email, partly to keep with the post from The Daily Post at WordPress on Mail It In. I tested it out on Monday to see how it worked, and wow, that is a nice feature. I mean, a really nice feature. I like that I can tap something quickly out and it will post, just so long as I remember my Catagories, and common tags. The categories might be tricky to remember, and I don’t have the coding down yet, but maybe a few more times and I might. I do miss the fact that with the WordPress Dashboard new post, there are usually suggestions for images and other posts to link to, but I don’t always need that.

Do I need one more reason to use my email? Probably not, but I can see how this feature will be something I use in the future for blogging. Does this fuel my email obsession? Probably more than it should, but it might be just the novelty of a new thing. I get this way when I see new themes on the Theme Showcase. Heck, right now I’m debating changing my theme to the new Twenty Twelve, just because. I probably won’t, though it is tempting.

For now, I’ll just use the email your blog post in, when the mood strikes. I still like planning out my posts before just tapping one out. Though honestly, this was not one of my better posts. I had it plotted out much better in my mind and it did not come out that way. Pardon the randomness of it all.

Signing off
~Kate

Obsession

Obsession is defined as  :

ob·ses·sion  

ob·ses·sion [əb sésh’n, ob sésh’n]
(plural ob·ses·sions)
n
1.  preoccupation: an idea or feeling that completely occupies the mind 
2.  state of being obsessed: the state of being obsessed by somebody or something 

Obsession Club (sign me up)

Right now I’m dealing with obsession.  I’m obsessing about a person and it’s probably not healthy, but….

I think when someone is dealing with Obsession, it should be capitalized.  That’s how much it affects you.  It eats away at your mind.  It’s nasty, but somewhat like a good pain.  The kind of pain that is similar to pinching your finger tips lightly with clothes pins. (yes, I’m weird).  A zing.

It’s a virus or parasite that eats away at you, but then there is the numbing pleasure factor to it.  You don’t feel the eating away, you feel the pleasure.  You want it to go away, the nasty part, but you think that if it were gone, you might not know what to do with yourself. 

Part of me can honestly say that I like being obsessed.  But is it really healthy.  Part of me says no.  And yet, I can’t stop.  At least, not right yet.

And what really can get obsession even more ingrained in  your head is the unknown factor.  You sit there wondering about someone and because you don’t actually know, you obsess even more.

It’s kind of creepy.

Signing off

~Kate