An Open Letter To James M. Sama

Dear James M. Sama,

I’m writing and open letter to you because I can’t send this in person. The irony is this letter is about writing letters. One thing I love about your posts is how you promote chivalry and the right attitude when it comes to dating and relationships.

In this day and age, making contact with prospective suitors is so incredibly easy what with emails, texting, Facebook, etc. Instant gratification is the norm and there is no waiting for a reply anymore. You don’t have to wait days of anticipation for a response. And I think it is that instant  response that has made it so men in particular, don’t have to work to court women. I think it’s our (women’s) own fault. We make it so easy, almost as if we were desperate, to be at the beck and call of a man. I’m not saying this as a cut on men; far from it. I love men and I am looking for a good man. A man who is willing to win my affection. And in the past, which includes up till the past  week, I have been willing to be at the beck and call of any man that shows interest.

What if instead of women giving out their email, we gave out our mailing address instead? Okay, yes, there are stalker guys/girls out there, so instead there is always a work address as well. What if instead of instant gratification of a text or email, you asked a guy to write you a letter and send it to you?

For anyone to send another person a letter, you have to sit down, take some time, and think while you write out a letter. Then you have to wait for a reply. It could be a two day wait if you live a couple hundred miles from each other. It’s still a wait within the city. And what is a day waiting for a real letter when sometimes it takes a person days to write a reply to an email? I am one of those people. I rarely jot off a reply email. Really, email only makes us think we are getting an instant response when in reality it can take as much time.

When my parents were dating, my father, who’s handwriting wasn’t very easy, painstakingly wrote my mother who was working as a nurse at a summer camp several hours away. My mother’s previous fiance wrote her while she was in Africa for a year. When my mom was going to college, a man she was with wrote her letters; poetry.  He never mailed them to her, since they were on the same campus, but he gave them to her.

I called my grandmother today and while my grandfather was in the military during the Korean war, and she was in college, they wrote each other every day. She mailed a letter every day, he sent them almost every day (come to find out, sometimes he would send three at once!)

Courtship was done by letters and rare phone calls.  There was the wait and anticipation and longing that comes from waiting for a letter.

I think we all could stand to slow down and take our time dating and getting to know each other. We need to stop promoting instant gratification, because it leads to having it in other areas of life. If a guy is willing to sit down and write you a letter, especially if you ask, tells you that he is willing to take the time to get to know you.

Now, I will conclude this letter/post by stating that I love email. Underscore love. But even I think I use it too much and need to get back to writing letters even more, and I’m someone that likes writing real letters. Since I have a Post Office box, I think I’m going to attempt to see if a guy will write me instead of email me in the future. It’s just an idea, and I thought you might like it.

All the best to you. I do enjoy your posts and I’m always pleasantly surprised, though I need to stop being that way.

Sincerely,

Kate

Do You Deal In Conflict?

Life is messy. People are warped and messed up and we are living in a backwards, far from utopian world. How you choose to move through life, though, determines a lot.  As Eve in Serendipity says: ” Life’s a mess, Sara. It’s… it’s chaos personified.”  Life is a mess and when you mix in people’s opinions, emotions and beliefs with relationships, chaos can be a big part of it.

And as we go along in life, how we interact with people says a lot, at least I think so. How you deal with an argument determines your level of maturity, or lack thereof. We all have our childish moments. We all through some sort of tantrum, even as adults. We want our way. We want to win the argument. We aren’t willing to say the other person might be right. It’s human nature.

And we make mistakes.

Right now I am in an argument, if you can call it an argument through emails only, with Boris.  What it’s about is unimportant. But it got me thinking about maturity levels and whether or not a person is willing to fight for a relationship, or just say “fine, I’m not winning so I’m going to walk away without trying to make this work.” There are two kinds of people; those that try to find a solution even by means of an argument, and those that just walk away.

Where do your characters in your novel fall into place? Do you even think about how your character will deal with conflict?

While I would rather not be in an argument, it is a life lesson, if not just for myself, but just to view a specific type of relationship.  I’m actually using it in some ways to write about my character, Phaedra. She is in a relationship with a country singer who is going to be on the road. There is going to be conflict. Something is going to happen where Phae has the choice to walk away, or to fight for what she wants.  Does she walk away from the singer? Or does she stand her ground and demand for her say; her rights?  Do you make your character a pushover? Or do you give them strength? And how much is enough.

This is where living life gives you that experience to write. As children, we can’t evaluate situations and really understand  or learn from them. But each interaction we have with people helps shape and mold our writing experience.  You have to be a part of the world and pay attention.

Now, having had this experience. I’m rethinking how much of a pushover I want Phae. See, I’m usually a bit of a cream puff. I will argue with my family, but in public, I don’t cause conflict. I’ve never been in an actual argument with past boyfriends. Either they backed down, or I did. We never went at it. I’m not saying going at it is healthy, but if you are a passionate person, shouldn’t your responses be passionate?  I think so.  So, Phae is a passionate person about her life. She’s a photographer that sees things that others don’t. She lives life to the fullest.  So, she’s not going to just back down in life. That doesn’t mean she’s going to go out swinging, but she might land a well placed kick here or there.

So, do your characters have conflict? How do they deal? And would you change them if you could?

Just something to think about this Sunday. Hey, it’s Sunday, you might have some time to work on your WIP and rethink your characters.

Kate

 

A Writer’s Depression

Writers have been known to have trouble with depression and yes, suicide. I think it comes with the territory. We are melancholy people to begin with, though I have to say I do have my giddy moments. But everything has a melancholy twist to it. The ying and yang of life.  The light and dark. I used to dwell much more in the light of life, and my writing reflected that, but as time goes by, I grow up, and write more, the dark has a way of infiltrating.  While I hate to admit that at times I get depressed, it’s a fact of life. From the self doubt that comes with the whole writing thing, to just general depression in life. Not enough to go and end anything, gads I’m not that desperate, and I am not mocking people that are. It is a very serious thing.

I hate to sound like one of those people that thinks they know everything, but I really do think writers struggle with the down moments in life more than other people. Maybe it’s all the thoughts jumbled together. Maybe it’s how we look at life. But there is something to be said for true writers having the down times.

For me, I can definitely say that is my issue.  It doesn’t help that my muse is 19 time zones away and it feels like a solar system or two in distance. It doesn’t help that I’m a woman and well, women always have those down times of the month. Mix that with cold weather, the frustration of where to submit one’s work, and the self doubt that “my work isn’t good enough to ever be published…”

Portrait of Virginia Woolf by George Charles B...

Portrait of Virginia Woolf by George Charles Beresford

Heck, just writing about being depressed is depressing, but come, we all know it happens. I actually started thinking about it because of a post Nathan Bransford did a couple years ago. It was more the suicide thing, but still it applies. See here  Writers and Suicide.

That being said, I’m not going to say that all depression is a bad thing due to the fact that I feel depressed writers write the most amazing things. Would Keats have written half his poetry if he had been with Fannie? And they were a happy couple with money and no worries?  I doubt it.  Granted, Virginia Woolf is another story.  And Ernest Hemingway had a medical condition. So I give him some leeway.

I have written four or five poems in the last week. I’m horrible depressed, but it’s doable. And if I can type out poetry because of that, well, so be it. My forms of depression are usually short lived. Thankfully. Usually donating blood helps. I actually have one of the genes that is related to why Hemingway killed himself.  Hemochromatosis is a disorder where your body stores too much iron in every part of your body. Including the brain. And iron oxidizes. Just think of your brain on a rusty nail. No, I do not have hemochromatosis, but Mr. B does, and I happen to carry the one gene that tends to make one absorb and store too much iron. Hence why I donate blood at least 4 times a year. And it helps, but that doesn’t take into consideration my general nature. And that I’m a woman.  Getting the picture?

So, once my muse is back stateside and I can actually feel like I can contact him….. the damn man….. and physiological things level out, I should be fine. For now, the depressing poetry shall continue… I just can’t seem to write light things. I am not Tyler Knott Gregson.  Yes, I am using his name all the time, but I keep reading his book. Sorry, but it’s just too perfect. And sometimes way too cheery, but I can always use cheery.

Kate

 

Snow Moustache Season

snow mustache_ editsnow mustache_ word edit

Well it is, isn’t it?

Happy Friday, dearies. Only 5 more days until you should have everything wrapped. I, sadly, still do not have two of my gifts even done! And today I am off to donate blood to the Red Cross. Hey, there you go. Want to give a gift this season that doesn’t cost you anything but really helps out a lot of people? Donate blood at your local Red Cross. There is always a shortage of blood, especially right now. I urge you to consider it.

Kate

Christmastime Rewind A La Charlie Brown

charlie brown christmasIt’s the second of December and tonight A Charlie Brown Christmas will be playing.  I’ve yet to watch It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!  I feel like I am horribly behind with these Charlie Brown’s. I think he’d be proud.

I seem to be quite behind with certain things. I haven’t watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade….. Yes, I dvr’d it. This seems to be my MO for a lot of holiday things. I record them then get back to them when I can.

Sometimes I wish life was like this. I wish I could record something or put something on hold till I had time to get to it.  Pause a part of my life so I could skip forward to what I want to do or need to do.  Rewind if I make a mistake. Fast forward when I really want to get out of the icky parts.  Not that I’ve had a ton of ick, but you know, sometimes it happens.

Life hurries by to quickly, but then not fast enough sometimes. I’d like to be able to stop and savor or fast forward at will.  For instance. I’m a 32 year old woman who lives at home and is waiting on Mr. Right.  (I am not willing to settle for Mr. Right Now) Years ago, this would be okay, but by societies standards, it’s not.  Yes, I run the family business with Mrs. B, since Mr. B can’t, but still, I am a 32 year old woman living at home.  My parents would like me gone, but at the same time they tell everyone they couldn’t do it without me.  They tell me I can go at any time, but they also are getting up there with health issues that I am not ready to help manage.  I feel like I can’t even manage myself.  Heck, I can’t even find a guy who will take me. (that sounds really weird when I write that out….)tumblr_luwdgfhdkp1qb9pa3o1_500

I’d like to fast forward this part of my life.  I want to speed by and get to the point of where I meet Mr. Right (if that ever happens)

But then if I were to do that, I’d miss all the other things in life. It’s the unknown that get’s to you.

And if I could I wish I could rewind to moments in my life when it was really good. So that I could go back and savor.

But then, you are living in the past, before you knew what you know now. Was it really better?  Probably not. We think life would be easier if we were kids again, but that only works if you don’t know anything that you know now. If I were a kid knowing what I know now, I’d go insane.  Ignorance is bliss, and that is so true.  Yet, saying that, I don’t want to be ignorant. I want to know as much as I can and keep learning….

And all of this because of Charlie Brown. (This was not where this post was going at all. I was going to talk about Christmas music. Another time, I guess) But a rather morose post. Sorry, dearies.  But on a brighter note, this is my 400th post. Whoo Hoo!

Signing off

Kate

Plans… Discarded

I’ve gone three days without writing a decent post and I had plans today to write something that was of decent capacity, but here I am writing about not writing. I want to update this blog a bit; I’m not exactly sure what I want to do. I think a bit of a new sidebar and a bit more information that I’ve kind of let go by the wayside. A new quote or two might be nice.

What would you like to see?  Any ideas? Categories you might want to see. A better index?  Do you like my Saturday Inspire posts?

More quotes? More flash fiction?  I’d love to know what you readers are interested in seeing.

Comment and let me know. I’m open to more options.

Signing off

Kate

300 Followers

This is just a little milestone in the scope of blogging for me, but I want to thank all of my 300 followers, new and old. For sticking with me through some very weird blogging years, for commenting and liking my posts and for just hanging around when you could have left long ago.

So, thank you!tumblr_inline_n4cm3arVVh1seo13i

You are all rather wonderful. :)

Signing off

Kate

Masks Off – Gasp She’s A Girly Girl

A bit late in a Daily Post prompt, but I read Kat’s and loved it and wanted to write my own. The prompt was Masks Off

Who am I?  Do I show my true self in life?  Sometimes I wonder as I make my way

And I'll keep posting this because it's true!

And I’ll keep posting this because it’s true!

through life and interact with the public, friends, family, and at home.

I joked with someone recently that I don’t swear in public because I have this persona I’m trying to keep up, in which case this person replied “Oh, street cred.”  That is completely it. In public I am the good girl. The girl that might be a bit prissy but mothers love. I love to be polite and kind and well dressed, even if I’m in just jeans and a t-shirt.

But that is who I am really. At home I might swear a bit more than I should.  I know, Boris, you don’t like me swearing.  Sometimes certain words just get my point across just right, though I never use the ‘F’ word or the ‘C’ word or any combination of those nasty things. I totally get a lady should talk like a lady.

With friends I’m more apt to say what I think. With family, I tend to say whatever I think. With the public…. I’m terribly, horribly diplomatic. Almost too much.

But who am I?  I am that super girly girl who has painted nails and jewelry on all the time. I wear high heels and love it. I wear frilly dresses and have my hair just so. I have a book in one hand and a cup of coffee (always coffee) in the other. Picture upper class priss.  That’s my inner me.

I don’t get to be that me very often. The most I can do is have the nails painted, the heels on, and the book in one hand… I get comments if I wear low heels, shorts and have scarf around my neck. Because I live where that is super dressed up. (not in my mind, but well, ranching community)

I would my true self in public. I like that aspect. I like being ultra feminine and girly. I would if I could. This is how you would see me if I lived in the city and did not have to worry about mud and dirt and no sidewalks and funky houses and growing and farm animals.

Most people wouldn’t get this about me, but I just think that Boris’s statement that I am a princess,  is pretty accurate.

And I’m okay with that.  (oh, pardon a glasses wearing princess. I happen to adore my glasses.)

Kisses, dearies.

Signing off
Kate

War Games My Way

tumblr_lr6gbl17NR1qzz8m7o1_500Wouldn’t it be great if all wars were fought on a board game?

I found this image in my files as I was looking for some writing prompts, and this came to me.  Instead of troops fighting to the death on the fields, leaders who want to take over the world, or start a war with another country, play war games. IE, the strategy games of Risk and Axis and Allies are what come to mind first. (on a side note, I have never played these, but I know of them, and I know there is a Civil War game of the same ilk)

Each side, for instance, Ukraine and Russia, play their game to determine who gets Crimea. Can you just see Putin and Poroshenko at a table with all their soldiers spread out, playing hours on end until one wins?

Granted, these tend to have risk (haha no pun intended) with the roll of the dice, but there is chance even in real war. Maybe chess would be better.  And if you say, “Oh, well I don’t know how to play chess well”… well, that’s the point.  I mean, some people just do not do war well, which is why they lose… No offense Germany… Okay, what the heck, I’m going to say there is offense because I have my own issues about Germany even though I have a fair amount in me… but you lost two wars! Two. You don’t fight too well.  Same with the British and our two wars….. *crickets chirping*

It’s also like I read in All Quiet on the Western Front. What if instead of all the men dying in wars, you had the two leaders get out there and box until one is defeated?  Wouldn’t that save a whole heck of a lot of lives?  Granted, I’m not sure Roosevelt would have been able to defeat Hitler, but well, we will never know?  But it is a rather interesting subject.

Heck, if you really want to get down to basics, let the two leaders play several games of Battleship.  Whoever wins declares victory and we all go home happy (except for the losing side and country) and there is no bloodshed.

It’s just a thought.

Signing off

Kate