Let’s Get Personal – I’m Going Through What?!

hormones1Let’s get personal about me. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to talk about this, but maybe it will apply to other ladies out there.

First off, let me start with this by saying I have had two boyfriends and I have kissed three guys. One of those guys being a lovely man I met and within an hour of meeting him, I had the best kiss of my life.  I still get flushed thinking about it…….. now, speaking of flushing….

Drum roll please.  I am 33 and I am going through menopause. I’m 33 and I’ve had two boyfriends, and I’m going through menopause.  How is this possible?  How could I not even be partway through my early life and my body is saying, “No, I quit!”?  How is it that I still feel like I’m in my twenties, but my body says, no, you are in your 50s? How is it that all of this is happening?

Well, genetics has a lot to play with it. My sister, DB, who has Downs Syndrome, went through it when she was 30. Mrs. B went through it in her thirties. SO clearly genetics has a lot to play with this.  But it’s also because I carry some genetic mutations I received from both of my parents, specifically, my father.  I have one of the genes that makes up hemochromatosis, which I inherited from Mr. B who has the disorder.  I carry a lot of the problems, and with new research, I might even actually have the disorder. I’ll let the doctors sort that out.

All of this is a factor in why my body is saying, that’s it.

053459bf9f6cb569023ee4ec211193cbBut it’s a strange feeling to know that technically, your childbearing years are over, and you’re not even out of your childbearing years. That being said, I have struggled for years with not really wanting children, but feeling somewhat obligated that I should have children because that’s what Christian women do…. Not really a good reason.  Honestly, children scare the crap out of me. I’ve yet to meet a lot of kids that I actually like, though there are a couple. I just never know what to do with them. And the thought of homeschooling them, which would have been a preference because that’s what worked for me… and raising kids for 18+ years….. Yep,  that always scared me so much. And even the thought of marrying a man who has children already, scares me.

I like to think I would be a great aunt that could hand the kids back after an afternoon. Or if I married an older man who had grown kids…. the really cool, hip grandma. It’s possible. But honestly, that’s the only way I can see myself with kids.

But back to my body. I’m finding that now that the hot flashes have abated, God, thank you for HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and I’m sleeping at night, now I’m more affected by my emotions. My emotions are through the roof. I’m irritated by everything. People are driving me nuts. I’m about ready to knock off my entire family. (Not really, but they are grouchy enough as it is, but my temper is not handling their moods along with my own.)  Part of this is my issue with the fact that I’m sitting here repeating over and over in my head…. I am not married, I’ve never ‘been’ with a guy….. I know, TMI, ……but my body’s physical aspects are changing and well, is a guy going to want a young woman who’s hormonal imbalance has changed?

Maybe that’s just a little too much to worry about, but these are the changes a woman goes through when she’s been married for years, the kids are gone… and heck, even the sex may have changed. It isn’t supposed to happen when a woman is still young. When a woman is still thinking about all of that.  Not that older women don’t think about it, but from what I’ve heard, the desire tamps down a bit.

I kind of want to rail and cry and vent over it. It didn’t bother me much when I got the tests back a couple months ago. Mrs. B asked me if it did bother me, and I really took it in stride because it explained the hot flashes I had been having for several years. Because honestly, I have been going through this for at least 3+ years, but it wasn’t figured out until the numbers really went off and out of whack. But after thinking about whether or not it bothered me, I found that it did. I do blame Mrs. B to some degree because she put the bug of being bothered in my head. I’m not mad at her, but maybe it just got me to admit that yeah, I am bothered. I’m not even really sure how to deal with it.

Surprisingly, I think finally making it to the Writing Circle of local writers in this area and reading one of the writer’s books, I’m dealing in some ways.  The author, Melinda Field wrote the book True, which she gave me a signed copy almost a year ago. It’s been in my ‘To Read’ pile and I finally pulled it out about three weeks ago. While I’ve yet to finish it, one character within the story has hit me. Briar is a 35 year old woman who is diagnosed with breast cancer and well, I don’t think I’m giving that much away by saying it’s really serious.  Now, I’m fortunate, I don’t have that problem, but Briar hit me because here is a young woman that has her world turned upside down at a young age.  These things aren’t supposed to happen to us. Is it? And yet, the world says differently.

Life rarely turns out how you have planned. Okay, fine, it never turns out how you plan. But shouldn’t some things turn out status quo? Or like how everyone else lives? Right?  Apparently not.

So here I am, a couple months from my 34th birthday with my body saying, “Honey, I’m going to be older than you think.”

I can honestly say that I haven’t totally dealt, and it’s probably going to take a while, but I wanted to share. Does this need to be said? No. Do I need to share my woes with all of you? Definitely not. Is this a too much of a selfie world? Most definitely, but I felt inspired to share in the hopes that others won’t feel alone if their life has changed in ways they weren’t expecting.

 

Kate

Let’s Get Personal – Why Aren’t You Married

12250144_401158516759945_3998860343872336222_nLet’s get personal.

I’m thinking of making this a new segment, or category for my blog. Basically, it’s me just rambling on about more personal things in my life. Things that make me tick.

So here is the subject of today. Being 30+ and not married.

The idea for this post came after Mrs. B was at the hospital for a procedure and met her tech who is 35, not married, and as Mrs. B put it, “cute as a button.” She asked her what she does when people ask the proverbial, ‘why aren’t you married, are you going to get married, and what about kids? questions.” The tech replied that she’s had to get creative and sometimes a bit rude when going to answer that question.

I happen to understand that completely. Ever since I turned 18, or moved to North Northern CA, to this very little town where ‘Everybody knows your name’….. and your business, and your life, and feels like it’s perfectly acceptable to butt into every little detail of your life. And the mothers are always, and I stress always, asking why you aren’t married. And “don’t you want to be married?” and “Oh, you should meet my son/nephew/ friend’s son/ grandson/ my neighbor’s son….. and so on and so on. The men that are 50+ and up pretty much ask the same thing, or versions of, “Why don’t you meet some nice boy” or “I can’t believe some guy hasn’t snatched you up.”

Sigh.

It’s not so much that I mind that they want to set me up, find out why, or whatever, never mind, it does get old, and they don’t understand when you say, “There really aren’t any available men that are good men in this area.” No, seriously, there really are not any good men, that I know of, in this area. I live in a logging, ranching, meth, marijuana, strange area. So the guys are……. well not my type. I come from a city mentality. I come from city life and living and I know it even though I am a ‘farm girl’ in some ways.

So, I’m left trying to figure out how to politely tell these people to mind their own business. In a good girl way. And it happens a lot. Maybe not weekly, but it happens enough that I mentally sigh when someone asks me that. It’s about as bad as when I get asked by all these people when I’m going back to school. IE college. Even though I’m 33. And they knew me when I was 18. Like I said, strange area.

I have yet to figure out a more rude method of diplomacy. That’s an oxymoron. Sorry. There is no way to be politely rude. But sometimes you just really want to tell people to go fly a kite. And then there is the whole ‘haven’t you tried online dating? Because my so-and-so met so-and-so on match.com, you should try it….”   blah blah blah. Yep, I’ve tried online dating. It’s been a real party. Not. I have tried it a couple times, just recently I spent a year on one site without much luck and a lot of hassle. Online dating has the issue of not always being able to meet the person right away. I live in a far off north place and a lot of guys do not want to come meet me. And I expect that, partly because I do not drive. And I don’t think a woman should have to go meet the man. That’s just now how I believe it should be. So yes, I have standards.

So, online dating is tricky. That being said, the tech Mrs. B met, recommended OKcupid. So, well, I might try it. Why not. She said she has heard of more luck there.

See, cause I actually do want to be married. I am not running from marriage, but honestly, it certainly seems like I should have been married 10 times over with how often I get bugged about it. But honestly, it’s not my fault when ……’My dear partner, when what’s left of you gets around to what’s left to be gotten, what’s left to be gotten won’t be worth getting, whatever it is you’ve got left”. …….is what the guys are like these days. (for you good guys, never mind) And for those that are wondering, this quote comes from White Christmas.

Prince Charming in a treeThe guys are waiting around, it seems till they have had thir fun, and then they will settle down. So, pardon me if I decide to go have a life. But then there is a caveat. If a girl doesn’t sit around waiting to have Prince Charming fall into her lap, then she’s “Too busy to find a guy and it’s her fault if no guy is interested.” But if she sits around doing nothing, then she’s not out looking hard enough or she’s too picky… You really can’t win. It is incredibly frustrating.

So, the teck is not waiting around to meet a guy. She is living a very full life. My cousin is living her life. I am still in limbo because I’m kind of waiting around for my guy, but that being said, I don’t just not live. My life is just a little less active, but that’s how I roll.

But I’m curious…. Single ladies and men out there. How do you deal with the rude question of why aren’t you married? Do you politely change the subject, or do you tell the people to butt out?

I’d love to know.

Things As Women We Should All Know – Day No. 27

We are four days from being done. I said D-O-N-E with this Write 31 Days.  Someone recently (and since I know you are probably reading this, you will know who I’m talking to…) told Mrs. B that I needed to suck it up and quit complaining about writing every day.  I’d like to see you write every day and come up with fresh content….. Now that I have that off my chest…. LOL.

12027540_977067112352002_6221272141493101965_nOkay, so earlier this year I came across this list of 13 Things No One Tells You About Being A Woman By Chrissy Stockton, after listening to the Joy the Baker podcast.  After listening to some of the highlights of the list, I headed over and read the whole thing.

Whoa. Right on.  This list is so true it’s scary.  First off, before you finish reading this post, head over to the list and read it first. Just click that link highlighted above. ……..

 

Okay, so now that you have read it…. I am not a feminist. I may have a few feminist ideals, but I think more that they are just common sense and equality in certain aspects. But on the whole, I tend to believe that men are the superior sex when it comes to strength, logical thinking (though sometimes I have to revise that when Mr. B is talking) and general fighting and political tactics.  I will honestly say I don’t have what it takes to think like a man. Nor do I want to.

And for the most part, I don’t feel oppressed by a male dominated world, though in all reality, it’s not half as dominated by men as it used to be 30 years ago. Women have made amazing strides with their lives, jobs, and etcetera.  So, again, not really a feminist, but still I felt this list was something that called to me.  Things I have dealt with in the past and still haven’t come to terms with.

Reading off the list in order….. I have had guys say I should do this, or I should do that. I should get rid of glasses, I should change the glasses, I should do this job or that job. Don’t wear this color, don’t have your hair that way. Women telling me I need to marry this boy or that boy or do this job or that job….. It can be kind of stressful fending off these comments.

I like doing things for guys. I want to be the homemaker (sometimes. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind if he would cook…. and clean a little).  I like the “wife/mom” roles in life. I 12107167_1040926229275315_7022155848237296182_nsaw it, grew up with it, my entire family, extended and all, had this as an example. It’s what I know and I like it.  But everyone wants me to have a career and why would I want to be, gasp, a homemaker?

Yep, I’m emotional. Damn right I am. But so what?! So freaking what? That doesn’t mean I can’t think. Sure, I might not think as well when I am emotional, but you telling me that I am this way does not help your case. At all. Mr. B has not figured this out .

While I can’t really say one way or the other if my relationships are deeper with a girlfriend vs boyfriend, I do know one thing, I can talk to my gals about some things that guys just don’t get, or don’t want to know about. We can commiserate together about those ‘times’ we are ’emotional’.

The biological clock thing irks me. Right at this time in my life, I don’t plan to have kids. That seems to really bother people. Go figure.

Number 6. About Moms…. I’ll just leave that one alone for now, but yeah, I agree with it.

Can’t say as I have been in the number 7 category, but I do get it, and I can get a little overboard sometimes.

I am terrible at asserting myself, but sometimes I really need to. And because I’m not good at doing it, it comes out wrong or people are offended because I do say “no.” Sigh.

Well number 9 is a given. If you aren’t sorry, why say it? And I have had to learn that sometimes when people say they are sorry, that doesn’t mean that all is forgiven because they said sorry.

Oh, I am forever feeling like I am pitted against other women. I compare myself to them. But it’s a nasty habit. I am me, and they are them…. We can’t all be alike.

I have been called crazy, but I still feel sane.

And lastly, sometimes I feel like I won’t survive without a specific guy’s approval. Boris in particular. But at the same time, good grief, half of what he tells me I don’t agree with. Why should I need his approval?  It’s something I do, feeling like I need everyone’s approval. I want people to like me, but honestly, that’s where asserting one’s self and not being a doormat comes in as well.

So those are just some of my opinions on the list. I’d love to hear what you have to say. And if you are a feminist, good for you. I have nothing against you personally. I may not agree, but that’s an opinion.  So, who likes this list? Who agrees or associates themselves with what’s on it? Tell me.

Only a few more days to enter the DaySpring Giveaway.  I urge you to enter with the link here  and  follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading!

Someone Amazing – Day No. 24

11048745_909527932422339_4813715533564715054_nThis isn’t to say I’m amazing. While I have my finer points, I still have a long way to go. But just remember, you are amazing too. You who is reading this, and wow, you showed up.🙂

Hope you have had a great Saturday, writing away. I wasn’t writing. I wanted to write, but with regular things taking up time, I will have to write tomorrow.  Thank goodness I planned for one quote a week. A chance to ‘cheat’ with this writing thing.  Everyone needs a day off…. right?

Kate

 

Another Persona – Day No. 22

Robert B. Parker had made his character, Jesse Stone, a bad boy, but was R. Parker a bad boy himself? Or did he make Jesse the person he wished he could be sometimes?

As women, we are told to be good. Don’t do anything crazy, or out of societies norms. Don’t swear, don’t sleep around, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your grandma to know about… Don’t put anything on the internet you wouldn’t want your mom to see at your trial. (this works for guys as well.) Be good. As a good girl myself, I sometimes feel the pressure to always be good. It’s exhausting at times.  Sometimes I want to break all the rules. Kiss a stranger I just met….. oh, wait. I did that. Never mind. He was a good kisser……. Moving on.

As writers, we put ourselves into our characters. We make them expressions of ourselves. But we also make them who we want to be. Or in the exact opposite, who and what we deplore in ourselves. Just take one of your faults and magnify it ten fold. You have a pretty rotten person. We take on another persona by writing our characters. Sometimes it’s liberating to be able to be something else within a character.

The Audrey Swoop

The Audrey Swoop

Recently I have wanted a change. I’ve futzed with new nail polish and styles and new hair styles. Out went the short hair (by short I mean chin length) and now I’m growing it out to see what I can do. Just yesterday I tried a new hairstyle that is so different from what I normally do. I have had bangs all but for a brief time in my early teens. Bangs, and variations of bangs. But I have been inspired by Audrey Hepburn and I’ve wanted to try something different. So, I did. I swooped up the bangs, swirled them around and pulled everything else into place with an up-do.  Just a touch of a cat-eye and whoa. I don’t look like myself . Mrs. B isn’t thrilled, but I love it. I love looking not like myself. There are only so many ways I can live within a character… Why not live a different way myself.

Raggedy Anne From Hell day of the dead....

Raggedy Anne From Hell day of the dead….

This is why I love Halloween. A chance to be something you are not. To take on a different persona.  Last year I went totally out of my element. I ghouled it up and was far from pretty. Scared a few people.  It was fun to be something more than I usually am. Sometimes I would love to do something exotic and gorgeous. Be kind of sexy. I had ideas of trying to do this look that I saw on Dancing With The Stars. It is very cool. But as Halloween falls on a Saturday, and I’m not planning on going out, I’m skipping crazy.  But wouldn’t it be fun to waltz around looking like this?

I feel like if I were to do something like this in my small town I would totally blow people’s minds.  Or if I totally Hollywood styled it up in a sexy dress and did my hair up and not me. Heavy makeup…. Yep, that would be a different persona.  Thank goodness I have my characters to live my life through. That being said, at least I can try my new look sometimes.

So, do you ever want to be something you’re not? Do you write your characters as someone you wish you could be? Tell me.

And don’t forget.  DaySpring.com is celebrating all of the amazing Write 31 Days readers who are supporting nearly 2,000 writers this October! To enter to win a $500 DaySpring shopping spree, just click on this link & follow the giveaway widget instructions. Good luck, and thanks for reading!

Kate

It’s A Yoga Thing – Day No. 8

There is something about yoga that screams ‘woman’ to me. The lines are long and sensual along with the movement. While yoga was traditionally a male enlightenment thing, it has become predominantly a female thing, especially now. The flowing movement and strength is the epitome of Woman.

I have loved yoga for a long time, though over the past few years, I have not been as diligent as I should be with it.  When I am stretching and flowing through the moves, my lines are long and lean and I can move completely different.  As a joke I read in regards to doing yoga says, “Anyone can bend over and touch their toes. Just bend your knees.”  Sure, you can do that, but oh, to have straight legs and no bend… Now that is what I say is yoga. Okay, really it’s just stretching, but when you are doing yoga, it’s much easier.

I’d say too, that having a yoga muse really helps to keep one flowing and moving. For me, I adore Natasha Rizopoulis, and I first started really trying to be better at yoga when I picked up the first dvd in the Yoga Journal’s    Step by step yoga journal.  Session 1, Foundation poses for strength & stamina, from my library. That was several years ago, and while I have never been able to complete the fifteen minute entire sequence, I still go back to the basics of that routine when I feel the need to get back into yoga. It’s basically a sun salute and then a more in depth sun salute. It’s actually really good.

I also really like Katherine Budig also from Yoga Journal  is amazing to watch. Plus I like listening to her voice. I have found that if you do not like the person explaining the yoga, then you are going to get annoyed. So you have two gorgeous women explaining how to stretch, breath, and move in very graceful lines and I look at them and go, wow. I want to have that strength. This coming from a girl who gave up on the Plank challenge one day into it. I just have not been able to keep it up.

But I feel amazing when I am practicing. I can run better and I just feel more like a

Petra's Yoga Poses around the world

Petra’s Yoga Poses around the world (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

woman. Subtle strength. Something we all have. Inner strength. We may not be able to lift 100 pounds, but we can manage a household and kids and shopping and jobs and a  man and and and….. it’s that inner strength I’m talking about. Yoga is the epitome of that. Don’t you think?

And on a side note; another thing I love is tai chi. Graceful flowing motions that show a control that is rather amazing. I’m not exactly good at tai chi. In fact, I’m quite terrible, but I’d love to be good at it.

What is your thought on yoga? How do you view it in regards to being a woman? I’d love to know what you think.

Kate

You Are the First Lady, What is Your Social Cause? – Day No. 2

English: First Ladies Lady Bird Johnson, Pat N...

English: First Ladies Lady Bird Johnson, Pat Nixon, Rosalynn Carter, Betty Ford (front row, left to right), Nancy Reagan, and Barbara Bush (standing, left to right) at the dedication of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A few years ago we had company and one topic that our guest brought up was “If you were the First Lady, what would your cause be? Talk about thought provoking subject. And honestly I hadn’t ever really thought about the causes of the first ladies other than Laura Bush because she had been a librarian and libraries were her thing, and my thing because I worked in a library. But you have Mrs. Obama who has eating healthy, Laura Bush and Libraries, Hillary Clinton and healthcare, Betty Ford and the stigma of alcoholism, and Lady Bird Johnson and the Highway Beautification Act, and lastly, Nancy Reagan and the Just Say No campaign to fight drugs.

All various, different, amazing causes. Whether you are a Republican, Democrat, left, right, up, or down, all of these causes are admirable. The platform of a First Lady is something that sets the stage for social issues during her and her husbands tenure as commander in chief.

So… if you were the First Lady, what would you make your cause be?
For me, working in the library system and seeing how it works along with having ideas on how to make it better, I would definitely chose a program for improving libraries and literacy.

I loved being a ‘librarian’. I put it in quotes because I do not have a degree in library science and my title was like a glorified volunteer. Bit I was in charge a fair amount as a substitute librarian, so I still use that. I think libraries are a wonderful thing and something we should continue to support and advance as time moves forward. I see fewer and fewer people using the library for research and reading and more using it for the internet access and social programs. While I think all of those are good things, reading and hard copies of books are things I think that should be promoted.

I have written about libraries in the past and my view on them, you can read some of the posts I’ve linked below.  I love my library, but I think my library needs serious improvement. I think a library needs to sell itself.  Sure, there are die hard fans, like me, that will frequent the library  because they love it and want books.  However, most people need a nudge.

So I would figure out ways to improve on the nudges. And getting kids back into reading. You don’t need to be a nerd to read. So few children are reading books these days, not like what I remember when I was younger. Going to the library was an event. And parents read to their kids more.

Just talking with my grandmother the other day, she mentioned that two of her great-grandkids has hoards of books, but they never have them read to them because they have ‘too many other fun things to play with’. There is some serious sarcasm put in there via me.  Reading is important for kids. They need it to expand their minds. So few parents are taking their kids to the library, and that is a shame.

So, that is a basic of what I would do if I was the First Lady. I would have a library and literacy program. I would have a blast.

Now, it’s your turn. What would you make your cause if you were the First Lady, ladies?  And Men, I’d love your input as well.  Say you could pick a cause. What would it be? You don’t need to be a woman to have a cause.

That being said, I will throw some attention to a man Mrs. B met this summer hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. He is from Canada, and he is hiking the trail to raise money for a school in Haiti. He is an electrical engineer, and while down working in Haiti, he helped build and teach (I believe. I didn’t meet him so my story is a little off) The charity is Trek for Hope and you can check it out by clicking that link. I urge you to take a peek, maybe donate, and check out “Ike’s” blog posts about his trek.   Here is also the Facebook page with its info filled in as “Hiking solo from Canada to Mexico along the Pacific Crest Trail to raise funds to build a school in Haiti!

Like I said, we all need a cause.

 

Plank Challenge : 20 seconds

 

 

Positivity – Day No. 1

Here is day one of my 31 Days in October. Ironically, I chose positivity to be my first post about a month ago. The irony is trying to stay positive knowing as I write this that I have 30 more posts I have to write and I’m not as far along as I had hoped. I have semi started three posts and it’s only  four days until this post is actually going to go online.  (I’m tapping it out on a Sunday trying to get ahead of the game. Yikes!) So here goes.

Positivity is something that seems to be a trait inherent to women. We are supposed to be positive. Have a positive outlook on life. Project positivity in all we do. But sometimes we aren’t. In fact, I would bet you that most women are positive less than 50% of the time. No, this is not an actual statistic; just some common sense and looking at my own life. Men can be moody, and suddenly they are mysterious. Women are moody and it’s PMS.  I’m sorry, but it’s hard to stay positive when 5 days out of every month (this is lowballing it. I would go more like 12 days out of the month)  things are not working quite in tandem with actually feeling good.  (I feel like I should cue Michael Buble and have him sing his ‘Feeling Good’ song.)

I was listening to Joy the Baker’s podcast, No. 125 yesterday…. Okay it was actually in late August…. so yesterday means the 26th of August…. moving on.  In it, Joy and her cohost, Tracy, were talking about how to stay positive when things are getting to you. It all had to do with New Orleans and the ‘stabby’ season. It’s so hot you want to just stab something. (To get the full effect of what I’m talking about, listen to the podcast)

So what do you do when you are not so positive? For me, music is huge. I have my sad songs, my jazz songs, my pop, and if I need a boost, I turn to various songs. I can’t pick anything in particular, but something with a good beat. Lately, my need for music has been higher than usual. I have needed some ‘downtime’ in which I can just chill. Granted, my chilling is while hanging laundry, or cleaning chicken pans.

Sometimes finding the little things in life are good for a positive boost. Like taking a picture of a favorite subject…… for me this is pretty much flowers, flowers, bees, and more flowers.

Flowers fix everything.  Which reminds me of Anna Kendrick in her Miss Adventure for Kate Spade.  See?

 

All ways to keep very positive in my mind.

In the podcast, both the gals were talking about rosewater as a way to stay positive. Personally, while I love rosewater, I won’t use it on my face.  But I love essential oils and they keep my mind happy.  Fresh scents most of the time. I love Rosemary and Lemon. Citrus oils are my friend. All time favorite oil I think is Lime. It smells like you just grated lime peel.  Yep, that’s a good way to stay positive.

And lastly, while these items might seem cliche, they work.   Exercise.  I run, or bike, or yoga.  That endorphin/adrenaline boost  is really powerful.   And coffee. Or tea. You can never have enough coffee or tea in my mind. Men drink alcohol…. women drink tea.

How do you stay positive?

 

Plank Challenge: 20 seconds

Kate

What’s Coming for October

lady reading silhouetteHello dearies.  It’s the day before October (gasp and horrors) and I’m sitting here panicking as I realize that my plans to write a bunch of posts for my 31 days in October challenge  has just totally not happened. I did my usual procrastinate and said, Oh, I have time, I’ll do it later….. and now, here is later.  Well, oh well. I guess I’ll have to write just like everyone else and just pound out a post a day for the month. Or well, write a couple on one day.

English: Studio publicity portrait for film Sa...

English: Studio publicity portrait for film Sabrina with William Holden and Audrey Hepburn. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Okay, so here is what the schedule is. For the entire month of October I will be posting about ladies, femininity, and things that relate mostly to women.  It’s not going to be super gushy, for those guys out there. I do have some things that are actually interesting in my opinion; Audrey Hepburn, women poets, Steampunk clothing and women in steampunk….. various thoughts.  Things like that. Just the theme is related to women.  I will have a directory of the posts here —–> 31 Days of October – Femininity & Ladies so if you miss a post, you can just check there. I do have some other non related posts I will being doing as I always have my book reviews. I thought I might get them out of the way before the month, but again, procrastination… and I just received one, so you know.

If you are curious about last year’s challenge, you can find it here —-> 31 Days of Fun, Fanciful, & Functional.  Also, check out Write 31 Days.  If you are interested in a monthly challenge, this is a pretty nice one because there is no theme. You create the theme. There are several categories to fit just about everything in. It’s kind of low key, but at the same time, it is a challenge, so basically you monitor yourself and well, challenge yourself. Joining is open until the 5th, I believe when you can link up and have your button on the site. Also check out their Facebook group if you are interested. It is a closed group, but we are all rather friendly there.

30 Day Plank Challenge - 30 Day Fitness ChallengesAnd lastly, because I haven’t been running due to being iron deficient/anemic/out of breath all the time, I am doing a 30 Day Plank Challenge from the makers of 30 Fitness Challenges.  Last year in March I was trying to do the 30 days of squats, crunches, and situps.  It did not go well due to other health reasons. But I hope to be able to do the plank challenge. Check it out. It’s not horrible and we all could use a strong core.

So, there you have it. One month of a frazzled brain and rushing to get posts done, and drinking too much coffee….  it’s going to be exciting, so I hope you join me. I highly recommend reading each post with a very good cup of coffee. Right now I am drinking an Americano I made with the espresso machine. It’s divine.

Happy October everyone!

Kate

Being Beautiful

Pearls, curled hair, yeah, this is my beautiful moment.

Pearls, curled hair, yeah, this is my beautiful moment.

I was sitting reading my journal from earlier in the year… it’s something I do to reflect…… and I came across an entry  from near my birthday. I was describing being called beautiful.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I have found that it is one word that while wonderful to be called, can hold a whole lot of meanings or feeling behind it.

I have been called beautiful by plenty of men…. despite which I still wonder if I really am beautiful because what I see in the mirror sometimes is meh.  How I look isn’t what makes me feel beautiful. Sometimes for me, wearing Stetson for men, a string of pearls and having my hair in a simple updo makes me feel so incredibly beautiful in my own mind, that’s all that matters.  But having a man call me beautiful is a rather interesting thing.

First there is Boris. Boris is fire and ice and extremes. He calls me beautiful, gorgeous and such regularly. It’s his greeting. It’s his way. His way makes me feel like I am the sexiest young woman ever. Okay, I’m not young anymore, but well, I still don’t feel like a woman. I am one….okay, I can go with lady better.  Considering he calls me young lady all the time too.  His beautiful is like stepping into pure heat and desire.  I can’t explain it.

Then there was Neeko.  Darling boy. I mentioned him earlier in the year.  What I wrote in my journal was, ” He calls me beautiful and it feels like pure sunshine happiness. Not sexy, but like I’ve stepped into a rainbow. Gooey inside. Unexpected. Undemanding. Nick is daisies and buttercups and sugar sweet.”  Maybe it was safety, but I felt like me with Neeko. I didn’t have to impress or be any more than me. Something I struggle with. I’m always worried about someone’s opinion, but with Neeko I could just be, like I had stepped into a meadow….. Bella’s meadow.

More recently there is someone that calls me various forms of beautiful, but it’s weird.  I can’t put my finger on it….okay, maybe I can. I am not interested in this guy, and he says he’s not in me, because he’s in his mid fifties, but sometimes I get this weird vibe that makes me kind of shudder. I sit there and think to myself…’no, please don’t call me anything endearing.’ It’s one of those disturbing moments in life where what someone says to you makes you feel so uncomfortable.

I think who we know that calls us beautiful means something different from each person. Sweet, sexy, disturbing…… And various other feelings.  Sometimes I smile and giggle insanely when I’m called beautiful. Other times I take it in stride.   I have to say that a sunshine and daisies beautiful is like eating the best brownie, and the fire and ice extremes beautiful is like that first sip of whiskey.  It’s sexy in it’s own way.  Sunshine and daisies, which I am not a person who would ever really go for that vibe, is really, really nice.  And it’s so hard to explain….. Okay, wait, I just read what I wrote. One is safe while the other has me in a constant state of alert.

Hmmm. Rather interesting, isn’t it? Do I know which one I want? I tend to go for sweet because at the end of the day, the safe is nice, steady. Comfortable. But that being said, the extreme and sexy is well, adventurous and exciting. I think a bit of sweet with sexy is really nice.

So what about you, ladies.  Do you have different vibes of beautiful?  What makes you feel beautiful?  Words or your own inner self?  Does something you do make you feel like the goddess you are?

I’d love to know so share with me.  I feel I should add in a One Direction line… but I’ll leave that up to you.

Kate