A few years ago when the Gevalia commercials came around with Johan, I joked that his brother Sven was my assistant. Sven, I imagined was like Alexander Skarsgård and I was always shouting out for ‘Sven! Come and do (blank)!” Sven, unfortunately was never around. He couldn’t even brew me a cup of coffee. He and Johan spend their days drinking coffee and making sure their pretty boy faces are never damaged.
A friend has her maid, Maxine, who is just like Sven. Totally useless. On the plus side, we don’t pay them. So they are doing an honest day’s no work…..
My Assistant is Never Around
Sven, my assistant, is taking today off
not that he’s ever been much of a help
sitting around drinking my coffee instead
of bringing me a cup or two, I blame his
brother Johann who works for Gevalia
lazy good for nothing gorgeous men
who are too consumed with themselves
Instead of mowing lawns or heavy work
instead of being at my beck and call
instead of doing anything worth while
I hired Sven cause he’s a good lookin’ guy
who I thought would bring me coffee in bed
and do all the heavy lifting I’m not willing
to do, but instead I’m doing it instead.
So he’s rather useless, and I pay him
too much, but what can I do, he’s a
pretty boy I like to watch move around
Ah, I might want to fire him, but why
when he doesn’t cost me a dime?