Let’s Get Personal – Why Aren’t You Married

12250144_401158516759945_3998860343872336222_nLet’s get personal.

I’m thinking of making this a new segment, or category for my blog. Basically, it’s me just rambling on about more personal things in my life. Things that make me tick.

So here is the subject of today. Being 30+ and not married.

The idea for this post came after Mrs. B was at the hospital for a procedure and met her tech who is 35, not married, and as Mrs. B put it, “cute as a button.” She asked her what she does when people ask the proverbial, ‘why aren’t you married, are you going to get married, and what about kids? questions.” The tech replied that she’s had to get creative and sometimes a bit rude when going to answer that question.

I happen to understand that completely. Ever since I turned 18, or moved to North Northern CA, to this very little town where ‘Everybody knows your name’….. and your business, and your life, and feels like it’s perfectly acceptable to butt into every little detail of your life. And the mothers are always, and I stress always, asking why you aren’t married. And “don’t you want to be married?” and “Oh, you should meet my son/nephew/ friend’s son/ grandson/ my neighbor’s son….. and so on and so on. The men that are 50+ and up pretty much ask the same thing, or versions of, “Why don’t you meet some nice boy” or “I can’t believe some guy hasn’t snatched you up.”

Sigh.

It’s not so much that I mind that they want to set me up, find out why, or whatever, never mind, it does get old, and they don’t understand when you say, “There really aren’t any available men that are good men in this area.” No, seriously, there really are not any good men, that I know of, in this area. I live in a logging, ranching, meth, marijuana, strange area. So the guys are……. well not my type. I come from a city mentality. I come from city life and living and I know it even though I am a ‘farm girl’ in some ways.

So, I’m left trying to figure out how to politely tell these people to mind their own business. In a good girl way. And it happens a lot. Maybe not weekly, but it happens enough that I mentally sigh when someone asks me that. It’s about as bad as when I get asked by all these people when I’m going back to school. IE college. Even though I’m 33. And they knew me when I was 18. Like I said, strange area.

I have yet to figure out a more rude method of diplomacy. That’s an oxymoron. Sorry. There is no way to be politely rude. But sometimes you just really want to tell people to go fly a kite. And then there is the whole ‘haven’t you tried online dating? Because my so-and-so met so-and-so on match.com, you should try it….”   blah blah blah. Yep, I’ve tried online dating. It’s been a real party. Not. I have tried it a couple times, just recently I spent a year on one site without much luck and a lot of hassle. Online dating has the issue of not always being able to meet the person right away. I live in a far off north place and a lot of guys do not want to come meet me. And I expect that, partly because I do not drive. And I don’t think a woman should have to go meet the man. That’s just now how I believe it should be. So yes, I have standards.

So, online dating is tricky. That being said, the tech Mrs. B met, recommended OKcupid. So, well, I might try it. Why not. She said she has heard of more luck there.

See, cause I actually do want to be married. I am not running from marriage, but honestly, it certainly seems like I should have been married 10 times over with how often I get bugged about it. But honestly, it’s not my fault when ……’My dear partner, when what’s left of you gets around to what’s left to be gotten, what’s left to be gotten won’t be worth getting, whatever it is you’ve got left”. …….is what the guys are like these days. (for you good guys, never mind) And for those that are wondering, this quote comes from White Christmas.

Prince Charming in a treeThe guys are waiting around, it seems till they have had thir fun, and then they will settle down. So, pardon me if I decide to go have a life. But then there is a caveat. If a girl doesn’t sit around waiting to have Prince Charming fall into her lap, then she’s “Too busy to find a guy and it’s her fault if no guy is interested.” But if she sits around doing nothing, then she’s not out looking hard enough or she’s too picky… You really can’t win. It is incredibly frustrating.

So, the teck is not waiting around to meet a guy. She is living a very full life. My cousin is living her life. I am still in limbo because I’m kind of waiting around for my guy, but that being said, I don’t just not live. My life is just a little less active, but that’s how I roll.

But I’m curious…. Single ladies and men out there. How do you deal with the rude question of why aren’t you married? Do you politely change the subject, or do you tell the people to butt out?

I’d love to know.

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18 thoughts on “Let’s Get Personal – Why Aren’t You Married

  1. Wow thank you for being so personal. That is very brave of you, I am thinking about broadcasting my blog to the world ( not that any one would be interested ). Yes !! I still have not pressed the magic button to release it, even after your encouragement . Any how well done you and to answer your question as I was single for 15 years, I would just say ” I haven’t met my knight in shining armour yet ” , love paula Aziz

    • Paula, as one of my girl friends always says to me, ” Do it! Do it! Do it!” It’s amazing how supportive the blogging community is. And I love your response. I usually say something of the sort, but sometimes it takes more than that, depending on the person. But I love it. Thank you so much!

  2. I’ll be 40 this year, and yes, I’m still single. By choice. My polite way is that I tell them I’m happy being who I am right now. Single. The impolite way, I just am!

    • That is very true. You hmm and drift the conversation to somewhere else. It is an art form. I’m laughing as I think about it. There should be a book of singleness. The answers to those questions you just don’t want to answer.

        • Oh gosh, yes. That would be fun as well. I think coy and vague is spot on. I’m just not mean enough to say, “well, why are you not living in an old folks home?” <—- that is courtesy of my parents when I mentioned things to say. Cruel, but to the point, considering it's people that are older that ask. 😛

  3. Oops. I mean, now you need to find the guys who read her books, too! Did you know she got fan mail from men who wanted to model themselves on her engineer, lawyer, military leading men? Halfway there! Keep going!

    • Oh wow, now that is wonderful. Men that admired her leading men. I love that she had such strong morals and standards. And really there is nothing wrong with having those standards myself. So yes, Halfway there and I’ll keep moving forward!

  4. I don’t get this particular question since I am married, but it’s happened a few times where people have inquired why I don’t have kids, or asked when I’m going to, etc. It’s also an invasive question that is not easy to answer, and not one that I (or anyone, I imagine) really feels like getting into details about with an acquaintance. Although I’m often tempted to make a sharp retort, I usually just keep it vague and change the subject. After all, it’s none of their business! Maybe that would work for the marriage one as well?

    • That is the general idea, to keep it vague and polite. I think my ‘rant’ comes from my own ranting at home. It’s after the fact that I start thinking about what I really wish I could have said. I never will, because I tend to be polite in general. But it is usually an aquaintance that asks the more personal questions. I am not looking forward to the time when I get asked about kids… That’s actually another personal post I want to write about. What do you say when you don’t want to have kids, but that is what the norm is? So, I hear you, and you sound so incredibly polite about it I almsot (almost) feel guilty for occasionally wanting to be rude. 😛

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