Edit My Query Letter

Good morning, my lovelies.  I have a challenge for all of my readers, or  the ones that care to comment.  Below you will see my query letter that I hope to get out to a few literary agents this week.  Provided that my letter is actually decent.  I wrote on Escaping the Inkwell that I had a goal of submitting a couple query letters by my birthday.  Since my birthday fell on the weekend, I am fudging the actual time of letters being sent out.

Digressing some, but in regards to birthdays, think about this.  “Have you realized that your age is the number of times you’ve been around the sun?”  I read this on Tumblr earlier today.  What a motivating, exciting and well just thought provoking idea.  I’ve done my fair share of traveling having gone around the sun 31 times.  How many miles is that?  Well, in one year I travel 585 million miles.  Whew, I don’t even want to add that up.  It’s a bit astounding to think that I have ‘technically’ traveled that many miles.

Anyways, back to my query letter.  Feel free to take a harsh look at it as I will take each idea and play around with my letter.  I just need an outside opinion.  Does this make you want to read the manuscript?  If not, then I need to work on the letter.  If you would rather not leave comments, feel free to email me at  [kate_wordpress@hotmail.com]

Here goes:

Dear Blank,

I am querying you along with one other agency in the hopes that I have something to pique your interest.

When a girl loves hats as much as Lulu does, she has to have one for every occasion.  However, out of all the hats Lulu owns, she is lacking a fancy hat to wear when she goes out for ice cream on Sundays.  Lulu enlists the help of her best friend, Mimi, and the two of them scour the city looking for the perfect hat.  From large floppy hats to tiny ones that look incredibly silly, Lulu tries on everything without any luck.  Some hats are too big and others are too expensive.  Just when Lulu and Mimi are about to give up and go home, they spot one last shop they haven’t tried.  Does Lulu find her hat?  Of course! Because a girl has to have a hat for every occasion.

Lulu Buys A Hat is an unillustrated picture book complete at 1089 words, geared towards little girls, which is clear from the hat theme.  Hats are one of those quintessential items girls seem to naturally love, so I chose to write about a girl finding a hat after the experience of looking for my own hat.

I have been writing various things for 15 years, including managing two blogs, however I choose to write children’s fiction as a career, drawing from experiences in life.  I also draw on years of reading picture book at my home, grandparents, and many trips to the library.  While I want there to be the fanciful quality, I also like stories to have some realism included. Something a child can relate to when they read.

So, there you have it.  Again, I am open to any suggestion you want to give.  And thank you for taking the time to read this.

Signing off

~Kate

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4 thoughts on “Edit My Query Letter

  1. Have you read the query shark? Basically it’s an online blog in which query letters are torn apart and advise given on improving them. Might be helpful although its geared to novels and I suspect the rules are a bit different for children’s stories.

    • And I had not heard of the query shark, but oh my gosh, what a great place! I popped right over and I think I shall find some good advice within the archives. I think in some ways the rules are slightly different for novels, but, all books need that hook and synopsis. So mine is short, it still has to have something to entice the agent, even if I am sending the manuscript along with the letter in most cases. Thank you so much, Shala, for suggesting the blog!

  2. I love picture books and this one sounds terrific. I would move your third paragraph up one spot so that it appears right after your introductory sentence. Do you plan to include one of your illustrations along with the query? I’m not an artist, and others are better positioned to advise you, but it would seem to be a good selling point since you are offering both words and art. Good luck!

    • I love your suggestions. No, I don’t actually illustrate myself. I need to reread the letter if it sounds like I illustrate. Thank you so much for commenting and taking the time to give me some ideas. 🙂

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