The End of James Bond?

The six faces of 007

Ever since seeing Thunderball at the early age of 13, I have been in love with James Bond. While I am partial to only a few of the James’ over the years, they have been one of my indulgences and a secret fantasy.  Come on, what girl wouldn’t want to be swept off her feet by all that maleness?  And tell me, honestly, what guy doesn’t harbor a secret fantasy to be 007?

The martinis and Bond

Part of James’ appeal is his utterly cosmopolitan and urbane attitude and look.  The suit, the suave sex appeal, the car… the martini.  Yes, the martini.  The classic ‘shaken, not stirred’ martini.  In Casino Royale, it was the Vesper martini, named after the beauty, Vesper Lynd.  But it was still ‘shaken, not stirred.  James Bond is almost synonymous with the martini and the way it’s prepared.

Well, that’s all about to change.  In the newest   installment of the Suave Spy, Skyfall, James will turn in his martini for a beer.  Beer!  Heineken to be exact.  I’m sorry, but there is something completely and utterly wrong with this picture.

James doesn’t drink a beer.  Okay, maybe if he’s in Mexico, or one of the Caribbean islands…. and it’s the middle of the day, but really, other than that, beer is not his drink.  That’s like telling a coffee connoisseur to suddenly start drinking instant.  It doesn’t happen.

What’s next?  James will stop driving the Aston Martin for a NASCAR?  He will show up to work in a fishing vest?  He trades in the posh hotel for the lodge down the road?  Oh, I know, he’ll kick back and watch the game, beer in hand, and out front will be his tractor with the name “Gator” on the side?  Puleez.  Why don’t we just kill him off now? Save him the misery of a slow death by lack of class.

I’m sorry. I cannot and will not sign off on this.  I’ve had a hard enough time trying to like a blonde James that plays Texas Hold’em.  Heineken is the beginning of the end for 007, and a sad day for this Bond girl.

Signing off