Peter Pan and the New “Man”

Where Have All The Good Men Gone? (courtesy of the Wall Street Journal)

Recently there was an article in the Wall Street Journal titled, ‘Where Have The Good Men Gone?‘ by Kay S. Hymowitz.

My first reaction was Hallelujah,

 it’s about time someone discuss this topic.  It has been a statement that, while I might not say it exactly like that, the premise is something I think about on a regular basis.  I will be 29 in May and honestly there are no decent men out there.

Now before I go and make a blanket statement, there are good men out there in my generation that are being men and living up to the standard of what a man should be doing in my view-point.  There are good men that are married, have a job that provides for their families, they live a clean life.  Granted, the percentage of men doing that is very few, but it still exists.  So, to that man who has a wife, takes care of her, provides a home and support, wants to have children, is raising his children, and lives a good life, I applaud you.

However, there is a serious case of ‘boys’ out there.  The article uses the term ‘guys’ to state not men, not boys, but in between.  I would say the term ‘dude’ would be applicable.  There are a lot of dudes out there that are not growing up and taking responsibility for their lives.  They are still hooked on Playstation, hanging out with the guys, drinking beer, having fun, bla bla bla.

Now, I’m all for having fun, but I still believe it is possible to be responsible and still have some fun time.  There is a point at which you grow up.  When you stop being Peter Pan.

"I never want to grow up!"

There is such a thing as a Peter Pan Syndrome, or Puer aeternus.  From the Wikipedia article:

Puer aeternus is Latin for eternal boy, used in mythology to designate a child-god who is forever young; psychologically it refers to an older man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level, usually coupled with too great a dependence on the mother. The puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which it might not be possible to escape. He covets independence and freedom, chafes at boundaries and limits, and tends to find any restriction intolerable.

via Puer aeternus – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Good lord!  How more accurate could you get?  This is exactly what is going on in this generation.  Actually, it’s not just my generation, but the one right behind and the one before me, the Gen Xer’s.  Trust me, I have seen plenty in the Generation X that have not grown up and good chance they never will.

Now, my first thought was to blame it all on the men.  I still blame them, but at the same time, part of the problem comes from the women of society and the history behind the Feminist Movement.

It all started with women’s suffrage and wanting to be able to vote and be a part of society.  Now, I like to vote, and I am proud of being able to vote, but in my opinion, I do not think I have any better ideas than men.  Yes, women were oppressed.  Yes, women were not allowed certain freedoms I think they deserved.  However, just because you deserve a freedom doesn’t make the situation work necessarily.

Because women were allowed to vote, the feminist movement continued on into the 1960’s with the advent of equal opportunity in the work place.  Now, again, I am all for women being able to have the ability to work, but I don’t find it necessary.  It used to be that women worked in occupations such as secretaries, teachers, and nurses.  All jobs they were very good at.   And obviously, very feminine type jobs. 

Then along come the 60’s where women didn’t want to be housewives and mothers and instead wanted to go out and become something.  What, I might ask, is wrong with being a mother and wife?  What is wrong with wanting to raise the next generation of good and decent people?

Shoot me down if you like.  State that bla bla bla, women are better at bla bla bla.  I don’t agree.  I think men are very good at just about every job except two things.  Mother and wife.  There is no way a man can make a good mother, and I wouldn’t want him to be.

So, here you have the situation.  Women went out and wanted to become something.  They demanded equal opportunity.  They demanded higher wages.  They went the route of higher learning and college degrees.  All perfectly fine in an idealistic society.  Nonetheless, in reality they stopped needing men to provide for them.  Well, if you as a man, do not need to provide for a woman, what is your roll?

It is intrinsic to the genetics of a man to provide and take care of a woman.  It’s in their nature.  Just as it is in a woman’s nature to be nurturing.  They provide, we nurture.  It kind of makes it all work out.  If you take away a man’s role, though, what are you left with?  A man who doesn’t want to grow up because, honestly, there is no need for him to.

Not only did you have the feminist movement, but at the same time society was dealing with the Free love movement that had been building up from about the same time as the Suffrage movement.  Now men were not required to be married to get a little something something.  Women were freely handing out sex.  Before, it was something special to be attained by marriage.  Now, men can get it any time they want because women hand it out with no thought  other than a good time.  And since a guy doesn’t need to ‘buy the cow to get the milk’, why should he buy the cow.  (Yes, I like any woman, hates the term cow, but let’s move on from that)

The problem is that it is a Catch-22 situation.  Even though women want to have the control, the job, the income, the independence, the sex, they are still unhappy because now we have created a situation where a man won’t provide for us because, well, we don’t need him too.

If a woman is successful and makes more money than a man, why does she need a man?  What would induce a man to marry a woman that doesn’t need him?  A man needs to be needed.  Also, women, despite being successful, need the security of a man.  They want a man who will still be successful themselves and be mature and provide.  Why would a man need to do that though if women act like they don’t need a man?

You have successful women all over the place saying they can take care of themselves and they don’t need a man.  When in all reality they actually do need a man and want one.  The problem also come to the fact that men are not allowed to reign in a woman anymore.  Instead of a man saying, ‘No, you are not going to do that’, you have them pussy-footing around because women will scream abuse if they are ‘oppressed’.  Seriously?

I’m sorry but that is ridiculous.  Just because a man is in control doesn’t mean abuse.  I am sick and tired of women thinking they have all the answers.  That men are stupid and don’t have a clue.  If that were true, then do you honestly think we would have had the industrial age?  Men are smart.  Simple, yes.  Not as complex as we are, most certainly.  Stupid, no. 

Men were meant to take care of women.  To provide, to care for and be the rock in the storm.  Somehow though, that rock, that steady shoulder has been pushed aside and women are crying foul.

Yeah, now that's a really secure image. *inject sarcasm*

Now, I don’t know how the situation is going to be fixed.  It is a pretty deep thing now, and not something easily put back to rights.  It is also something that is glorified in the ‘fratboy’ films of today.  Men who  fiddle fart around and don’t grow up.  You see it everywhere, which in turn, leads men to think it’s okay.  Okay, men who haven’t grown up.

I myself am struggling with this situation on a constant basis.  I have yet to see a man who interests me that actually has his act together.   And I like men.  No, pardon, I love men.  I have a great respect for them and I do think them wise and knowledgable.  Or, more, I feel that way, but rarely see it.  And even men that don’t have it going on properly, well I still like men.

Where have all the good men gone?  I don’t know, but I fear they may not come back, and I in a sense, blame women for it.   However, the men could grow up too.

Signing off

~Kate

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4 thoughts on “Peter Pan and the New “Man”

  1. Wow, you got really politically incorrect there! 🙂
    For the most part I agree with you that the feminist movement created an imbalance in society as a whole, but I believe the deeper problem is one of responsibility. Our society’s prosperity has created an environment where nothing is required of these men. They have no responsibilities, no hardships, nothing at all to make them face the man inside. As long as they CAN slide by without doing anything meaningful with their lives they WILL slide by without doing anything meaningful with their lives.

    • Yep, I was totally politically incorrect! Isn’t it great? 🙂
      YOu know what, I completely agree with you. I was trying to get all my points down,(you know that outline thing) and I was ready to publish when I had to add five more things to my points. But your points are right on with what I was thinking and I wish I could have added them.
      Thank you for adding them here, though, because people will see the rest of what I was thinking.

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